Žuta! It was only with you that I learned what it means to give, to sacrifice, to go without, sometimes to endure. You showed me what true, unconditional love is.

Žuta

I rested my cheek against a wet muzzle. My cheek is wet too. I am crying. Human and dog tears have mixed together. They are the same. Salty and painful. We sigh at the same moment, as if we are thinking the same thing. And perhaps we are. I gazed into those warm eyes. So that I never forget that look in which I first saw a soul. And I saw it long ago. Very long ago. For almost two decades you have been my faithful companion. Or I yours? As if that matters now. It is the same. You are leaving and I cannot come to terms with it…
I remember… Yes, I remember everything. Our first meeting was magical. A ten-year-old kid playing hide-and-seek with his friends after school. A cold January. I hid behind Uncle Brana's shed. I was clicking my tongue from the cold, and nobody could find me. And then I saw you. A shaggy, yellow ball of fluff with big brown eyes, like the eyes of my sister's teddy bear. You came straight up to me. You wagged your little tail as if begging me to take you. And I took you, and afterwards you took everything I knew how to give and was able to give…

You taught me everything. It was only with you that I learned what it means to give, to sacrifice, to go without, sometimes to endure. You showed me what true, unconditional love is. You taught me what caring is, how fear is overcome. I learned what pride is. Sadly, now you are giving me your last lesson. Now I know what deep sorrow is…
When I brought you home, wrapped in my scarf, I cried for hours and begged my parents to let you stay with us. Boys don't cry, but I cried then, and I am crying now. They allowed it, but the condition was that I get top marks at school. I did that year, and every year after. That was our shared success. Many times I went without my school snack and used the money to buy you biscuits, and you paid me back in your own way. You licked my scraped knees when I fell, you pulled the sledge so I would be the fastest, you hid the switch when Mum was angry with me and wanted to use it for educational purposes, and you offered your back so I could climb up and reach the neighbour's cherries. You taught me not to be angry with those I love, and to forgive. You know, that time when I got a ball for my birthday and went out to show it off to my friends. A real football, leather. I was overjoyed, nobody on the street had one except me. The first match. I kicked it, and you ran after it and bit down hard. You got scared when the ball burst and realised you had done something very bad.

I stood there stunned, and you lowered your head and slowly started coming towards me. Your look said: "Sorry". Afterwards I lied that I had punctured the ball myself, so I got a hiding too. Never mind. I would put up with much more, if only you did not have to go now.
And do you remember when you ate Mum's shoes? You know, the Italian ones, the expensive ones, so they threw you outside, put you on a chain and said you could not come into the house any more. Icy November rain, and I am not allowed to let you in. You had no kennel. I watched you hide and curl up under the bare walnut tree, and I could not help you. The next day, in protest, I ran away from home. Of course, when night fell, I got lost in the Zvezdara woods. Who knows what would have happened if you had not found me. You brought my father and our neighbour Steva to me. And I was crouching in some mud, all confused and frightened. From then on, you were never thrown out of the house again, and Mum forgave the shoes.
We grew up together. The little boy became a young man, and you turned into a beautiful lady. I measured people by you. Even girls. I avoided the ones you bristled at, and kept company with the ones you approached. I even told off the neighbour when she called you a mutt. You had puppies only once, just to show us you knew how to be a mother. And then you avoided the neighbourhood dogs. As if you were saving all your love just for us. My parents, my sister and me.
I met my great love, my wife today, thanks to you. Remember how you went up to her and stared at her until she gave you half her ice cream, and afterwards I had to apologise and realised that my colleague from university had a magical smile. My son took his first steps holding onto you. You lay patiently while he twisted your ears and pulled your tail. And you guarded, defended and taught him, just as you did me.
Thank you, my Žuta, for everything. Thank you for choosing me, of all people, as your friend. And forgive me that we are parting now.

Author: Nataša Radulović